05/09/09 Awkward.
So you know I like to share stories of delivering pizzas, right? Well this one tonight was one of the best. I called someone at the dorms, he didn't answer. I left a message. He called back, I took his delivery over then. We must call people in the dorms, cause we can't get in without them. Anywho, I go over to the dorm and he comes down with his girlfriend. "Sorry bout that dude, my phone was on silent."
"Oh it's all good, fifteen fifty-six was your total."
Girlfriend- "OH hey, can we use this coupon?"
"Yea, just let me call the store and get your new total."
I had left my phone at the store to charge, due to my weak battery.
"Hey, I have to use your phone."
"Oh, okay, you have my phone (to girlfriend)"
She gives me the phone. I slide up the slide screen to find a picture of her pleasuring herself.
"Oops," I say.
"Oh my god... you need to change that immediately"
I made the call and the poor girl stared at the ground the whole time.
05/08/09 The Photen Group - Episode Three
05/07/09 The Photen Group - Episode Two
05/03/09 The Photen Group - Episode One
04/23/09 Aww come on!
Seriously, how many people a day miss the meter maid by one fucking second. I'm walking up to drop some more quarters in, and she's there, writing my ticket. I know it's my own damn fault for not getting there earlier. I'm in class, distracted by facebook and zoning out, but come on! Now I've gotta pay 34 dollars when I coulda paid 50 cents. I also just searched meter maid and saw this picture and found it to be humorous. Apparently they give an award to women, like a Miss Anytown kinda thing. Why? Not sure. I should apply.
04/07/09 Handguns. Let Me Shoot Yours.
Seriously, is there anything more bad ass than shooting a gun? What kind of man hasn't held a pretty legit air rifle or pistol and didn't have the urge to kill something? I used to run around this place my family used to live and shoot birds with a pellet gun, and then feed them to the cats. They used to look at me and say, "Antone, you're so manly." Primitively hunting prey in order to feed it to my family, which was cats at the time apparently, put hair on my chest at the ripe age of ten.So is this a pro-hunting post? No. I don't give a crap about sitting in stands shooting deer or water buffalo or snow leopards. I have strongly desired to take a little .9mm or a sweet .45, whatever I can get my hands on, and shoot a trunk of tree and feel my penis grow a whole inch. I don't desire to own one, because it would quickly consume my life. I would be afraid of it at first, but about three hours of just staring at it, I would be running down to the river to find a hobo. No, not to murder you sicko, who do you think I am? I would show him my sweet piece and he would tell me how awesome I am, cause he'd be the only person up at 5AM when I decide I'm finally going to pick this thing up and take it for a test shot.
Now let me just break it down for you... Shooting a gun makes you more bad ass than you ever could be without doing so. Just take a glance at some of the most bad ass people in history. Dudes swinging guns all over the place. They don't always have to shoot people with em, sometimes they shoot gas tanks inciting an explosion, killing hundreds of people. The explosion makes the gun even more bad ass. But hey, still you're not as bad ass if you can't get your gun knocked out of your hand and still punch some mother fucker harder than he can punch you.
Pretty sure this has just turned into rambling now, but my main point is, let me shoot your handgun at like a shooting range or something. I feel like it'd be a good time.
02/19/09 Adam Carolla Show is Over... Fuck.
I made a routine visit to adamcarolla.com to check on my favorite part of life, listening to The Adam Carolla Show in the car all day every day, and I see this picture. I think I just got dumped. Really. Do you remember when Blink 182 broke up? I was devastated. And this just happened 10 minutes ago. So straight to the message board I go, I need to know what's happening. It's confirmed, it's true. Lots of talk shows on the station are being cut. So here I am, listening to the second to last broadcast on the web. Jumping a week ahead, something I never do. And this all means nothing to anyone in this state, he's not on the air here, but fuck. Man, fuck. This bums me out. No really, for the love of god. I listen to about 15 hours of this show every stinkin week. On the bright side, I guess he announced that he's going to be making a podcast show. Which will probably merit him literally yelling "Fuck you, Kate Hudson!" Or insert many many other names. It will be shorter. It might not last at all. But hey, it might get me through the long lonely nights I have left as a delivery driver.
So here's to you, Adam. Thanks for the last 3 years.
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