You know when you're in a big place, say the University of Minnesota campus, and you're doing something and can't really run home at anytime you please? Of course you do. Well when your bowels start telling you, "Antone, you need to release the pressure we're applying to your rectum," you really start wishing you don't have to enter one of those restrooms with the 10 urinals and just as many stalls.

I don't really like showing off my boxers shorts wrapped around my ankles, and sharing the delightful scent of my excrement with people I'm not close to at all. Anyday, I'm more than happy to let a big juicy one rip underneath the covers, then hold my girlfriend's head underneath so she can really enjoy the present I just made for her. But she's special, and I don't want just anyone to share that moment with. Imagine throwing your classmate that sits next to you in Spanish, you know, the one with the nose, yea, you know... Anyway, imagine throwing him into your Dutch Oven, he's not going to appreciate it half as much as your significant other would. My roommate congratulates me on the contributions I make to the ambiance of the house from the bathroom, and I do the same. It's something we can really bond with. These moments aren't just for everyone, they're for your nearest and dearest.

That's why I'm ecstatic to share that I've found the perfect place to create my big works of art on my school's campus. "Where?" you ask, I'll never tell. A lock behind me, and a single canvas for this art, it's always clean, it's always mine. 2:00pm for three days in a row now, I paint the porcelain in solitude. I can be as creative as I want to be, and the public may participate in this after I have finished, but it's the joy of this anonymous art that left me walking to my 2:15 class with a huge smile of relief on my face the past few days. Those who have also experienced the joy of this secluded paradise, I don't care to swap stories of triumph, I already know when I see you strolling down the hall with that extra spring in your step. The radiance passes on to everyone you pass, and you carry on the rest of your day feeling lighter.... literally.